Swords and Spaceships

'Tis a commercial for Trico's Star Wars: The Phantom Menace promotion. I don't have to tell you that TPM enjoyed a marketing blitz that was (and forever will be) unequaled in history. Star Wars had never and never will again enjoy such heights. The fallout was that Trico (a division of Pepsi that owned KFC, Taco Bell, and Pizza Hut) had extreme troubles in the fourth quarter of 1999, and I think they sold off KFC.(Not sure about that, but I'm not going to do the research for a crummy blog like this.) There are rumors that there is still a warehouse full of unsold toys that were meant to be sold through this promotion. Not to mention all the other licensees who ceased to exist or that had to spend years getting their stock price back up after dealing with all the unsold merchandise. I can see why so many licensees lined up to get a piece of the pie. Star Wars fandom was at a fever pitch during the 90s and seemed to increase every year. This new Star Wars movie was like t...

Ah, Tomax & Xamot. Seriously. "Let's create a set of ambiguously gay evil twins to command the Crimson Guard and dress like the circus performers that they are!" "Great idea, Mr. Hasbro President in 1985!" I'm pretty sure it went down like that. Anyway, I decided to dig this one up since I just found the Tomax & Xamot set from the 25th Anniversary line, and it's phenomenal. If you fancy your Joe toys (and who that comes here doesn't?) you should get yourself a set by hook or by crook. Plus this commercial features (prototypes of) Quick Kick, Lady Jaye, and Dusty, some of the great 1985 characters.

There are things in this universe that are great together. Peanut butter and chocolate. Beer and pizza. To add another to this list, there is GI Joe and Toys R Us. These here are some exclusives that should be at the retailer within the next month or so. I want to like them, but there's just one figure in every set that blows it for me. But, since the interest in this line hasn't crested yet, these will sell briskly, especially to folks who don't have any blue Cobra soldiers.

More Kiss. But Kiss is awesome. This is for the Unmasked album, which really sucks except for a couple of songs that Ace Frehley wrote. Ugh. "Shandi." Man, disco killed Kiss.

Look! It's rock & roll! This is how to promote your band- "the demons of rock, burning cross country with fire and thunder!" Twenty days! That's why I picked something different.

It's a shame this was the only commmercial for this line I could find on the Toob. But it's more Kenner stuff, more proof that those guys really knew how to make toys.

The Condor was the awesomest little toy ever. The whole line was pretty neat, but I never got into them too much. I was more into MOTU and GI Joe, and my folks were pretty much unwilling to buy into another line. I think it's about time this line got another go. Kids are really missing out these days when it comes to toy concepts.

In an effort to branch out, I present to you this Star Wars PSA about drunk driving. Weird, wasn't it?

So, this is out in the wild finally, after years of fans asking for it. It took me all week to find a set for myself. I went to Best Buy trying to get their exclusive, and my store is the only one in Iowa that doesn't have it in stock. In fact, the employees there said I should just order it online, not offering to do it in the store for me. I bristled at the suggestion, since it's a new release. I went to Target, and lo and behold, found it for cheaper than BB. I was simply happy to find a copy without having to pay shipping. I watched the first three episodes, which comprised the premiere movie called 'The Beginning.' I had forgotten how badass this cartoon was. The writers actually offered an origin for He-Man, something the original cartoon lacked, since that series was supposed to hit X number of episodes and just run in syndication from there, while this new series was more story-driven, having a clear beginning and (hopefully) a decent end. Which of course, didn...

Got some catching up to do. Cursed ISP outages! Thundercats. Never got into them nor watched their cartoon. But they had some neat toys. I was more interested in Masters of the Universe, but this line was just as creative. With the powers of Nintendo and McDonald's combined, they will surely rule the competition for decades to come. You have to love inflation. You used to be able to get a burger, fries, drink, and cheap toy for $2. Now you consider yourself fortunate to have a Dollar Menu that actually has items for $1. Probably the third-greatest toy line of all time behing GI Joe and Star Wars. I'll gamble and say that the TMNT toys were a lot more creative than either of those two lines. A line that has anthropomorphic turtles, pandas, giraffes, and crocodiles fighting each other all while mocking the cliches of comic books is something that should never lose its appeal.

I loved this line. That big purple ship, the Destroyer, was one of my favorite toys. Kenner sure knew how to make toys, that's for sure.

OK. I got stuck in the boonies yesterday due to the weather, so I was cut off from the soothing glow of my computer and I missed an update. However, I found this wonderful two-fer here. The first is for the Real Ghostbusters Firehouse playset, which was one of those legendary toys that few owned but all admire. The second spot is for GI Joe Tiger Force stuff, basically a way for Hasbro to sell you toys you bought a few years ago all over again. You didn't think that Hasbro reusing molds was a new thing, did you?

Ahh, Star Wars Expanded Universe toys. They didn't fare so well in 1985, but if you hit any SW fan site now, you'll see they're alive and well. Man, the stuff that's on YouTube for old toy commercials in fricking unbelievable. MASK, Super Powers, Inhumanoids- it's astonishing.

Man, it's gonna take weeks to top this one. Here they are, trying to pitch these to kids. I remember hunting these in the stores when I was about 13 and I had to be the youngest person going after them since everyone else was in their later teens and even well into adulthood. I guess my point is that this commercial was really aimed at the wrong audience. But I still want that Transporter. Man, Star Trek toys were and always will be expensive.

In honor of the teaser for the new movie finally out, we'll go with this gem for toys I never owned.

Here it is- the greatest invention to come out of 1985. My parents had just finished the basement in the house I grew up in when I got this either in '85 or '86. They had this hideous but functional carpet downstairs where my toys were. Well, as inevitably happens when you mix five-year-olds, Slime, and their favorite toy line, I managed to get a bunch of that shit in the brand-new carpet. This set at one time came with a mail-in offer for a free can of Slime, since Mattel was awesome back in those days. As soon as it came in the mail, my mom threw it away without even letting me open it. I was surprised, but the look on my mother's face when she was scrubbing the rapidly-drying fake snot out of that carpet in 1986 is something that's stuck with me even to this day, so I dared not protest.

The sound is a little bit off on this one, but it's fucking Sgt. Slaughter! I post this because I just found out he'll be here locally at a monster truck thing, and I'm seriously tempted to go.

Yes, geeks, I finally got around to a Star Wars commercial. This kid sure was serious about his Boba Fett impersonation. Hey, five days in a row! Didn't think I'd make it. I can tell by the continuing lack of comments that my choices for this feature are sound.

It's a little before my time (1979 to be exact) but I'll be damned if it isn't a perfect kitschy weird.

Ah yes, the ugly kid with green robot eyes. This spot is selling two of my favorite TFs, Soundwave and Blaster. It's glorious. It even manages to cross-sell Optimus Prime and the Casseticons Laserbeak, Ravage, and Rumble (or is it Frenzy?)

I suppose it's the first GI Joe commercial. It really lacks the pizazz of later ones, but they still manage to plug several different toys in 30 seconds. I'm really, really holding back on a lot of great stuff I've found. I can't believe some of these commercials survived all these years without being taped over.

Yes, it's a word. We'll see how long this daily update thing lasts. I've lost interest in the GBEW, but I still have this one, and this is a way to participate in my hobby without blowing shitloads of money. The inaugural selection is from a toyline that is one of the two biggest influences on me maintaining this site. (The other one is Star Wars.) This is a plug for Sy-Klone from Mattel's Masters of the Universe line. This was the kind of advertising that got your oversugared brain hopped up for (admittedly) bad toys. It's pretty awesome that they managed to plug two other toys in about four seconds. Check back tomorrow sometime for whatever else I find on YouTube.